And so I'm Engaged to Smile.

2007-09-13T01:55:00.000+08:00

WOW. It has been like, THIRTEEN days since I updated this thing!
I was too busy. Hee. Sorry bebehs and dudes.

Alot has been going on since I last updated.
Amazing how things can change so fast.
It's like you're snapping your fingers, and poof,
Another scene.
Poof,
Another scene.

But it seems like everytime I snap my fingers,
I am in different2 scenes.
With the same situation.

This has been going on for 2 and a half years.
Maybe it ends now.

I hate to be a pessimist but I must admit,
I am one.
Better get yourself prepared for the worst,
Than to be stupid and naive like how I used to be and look where I ended up being at.

I'm not a negative pessimist.
I am a positive pessimist.
Know the difference baby.

Ok so...
Did I mention my MSN convo with her...
Like..
How many weeks ago was that?

We chatted halfway and my laptop got jammed.
I went online again, she was already gone by then.

So anyways.
We chatted and chatted and chatted.
I felt like what I said did have a point,
Did have a strong point, even.
But it was like as if the words i said weren't being processed in her brains through her skull.

Great points often receive violent opposition from mediocre minds.

So she has moved on.
So should I.
There just isn't any point at all.

I used to believe in karma,
Now I don't.
Karma is bullshit.

So I guess this is where our friendship silently ends.

In spite of everything I still want to believe that all beings of mankind are really good at heart.
I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery and death. only.

Oh well.
That's the way life goes.
God didn't choose for a certain individual to lead a suffering life.
It's just random.
Here, there, and then there was Me.

I'm learning to be wise though.
Heho.

I think it's kindda simple to be wise?
Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

2007-08-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

I am fffffing bored!!!!!

So dad just got me a new phone.
Wanted orange but they told me it was OBSELETE!

But before dad came i asked, and the guy said there's orange available.
Turned out he thought I asked him about another model.

Why he like to play with my feelings?!?!!
:(

Anyways.
I'm happy.
I swore to Dad that when I work, and get my pay..
I'll pay him back slowly.

Ok anyways, I am bored.
Yeah.
Bored.
How?
Haiz.

Pesta Sukan is coming.
And i'm playing for Northland.
Ghee.
I gotta practice.
Okay,

This entry actually got nothing interesting ah.

So okay.

YAY!
Bye.

2007-08-29T22:59:00.000+08:00

When people do not ignore what they should ignore, but ignore what they should not ignore, this is known as ignorance.

I'm sick.
Sick of having to be sick about things.
Sick of being a mother fucking melancholist.

It's time to move on ah.

So everything else, fuck it.
When a miracle happens,
I realize another good thing gets ruined.
So now I really don't know ah.
What to believe, who to believe, whatever.

Ah.
Fcuk fcuk fcuk.

Can I like, not be stressed?
How?
Somebody, tell me how.
I think I may have a psychiatric disorder.

Come on, pull the trigger already.
Make Nur Shaheila become poof.

POOF I say. :(
oh, fuck.

2007-08-28T21:27:00.000+08:00

WAH!!!

Miracles do happen.

2007-08-28T14:50:00.000+08:00

I am so going to find work since I have 3 weeks of holidays.
I need 180 bucks.

I want to buy the OC seasons 1, 2, and 3 and they cost like, 60 bucks each. :(

Anyways.
I suddenly have this sucky feeling.
Maybe it's because I have changed class and i'm in total anxiety of who my classmates are next semester.
What if they're totally boring?
What if there was no one like Sabrina?

Ok this sucks. Big time.

Ok this kind of thing maybe NOW I can use that theory.
Get over it & move on...
Boo.

Ooh, by the ways.
I had a weird but wonderful, extremely wonderful dream this morning.
Shall tell it in the next entry maybe.

W14D. :(

2007-08-26T16:25:00.000+08:00

Now that she doesn't know my blog address, good.
Let's just let it stay at that.

It's not that I am afraid of her, or anything like that.
But since what is said in here is just coming from a 17 and you can't see the importance of my entries but you still visit my blog everyday,(which I find so ironic)
I am helping by just changing the address so that you can take your precious eyes off here.

Anyways, yeserday the most unexpected thing happened.
We chatted.
Somehow MSN was being a fucktard and made everything jam.
When I came back on MSN, I couldn't start the conversation at all.

But as far as I saw how the conversation was going,
I could tell.. that,
Nothing.
I still am in a big blur of mess.
I mentioned everything that I was uncertain about & when it was her turn, JAM.
Fuck MSN.

I just wanted to say.
That not ALL things should have this "getting over it & moving on" theory.
You have to be present, talking about it, facing it, and find a solution after analysing everything.
Compromising.

Not just..
"Ok.. I step back.. its for the best.. im the victim..for the besst. forget it.. nth to explain.."

OMG stop it.

I find that this "getting over it & moving on" theory,
Not sensible at all.

But yesterday was when things could actually be compromised but like i said, fuck MSN!
So I am hoping that you'd chat up with me again and we can continue from where we left off.
I hope you don't just use that theory again.
Go through the matter first, please.
Clear everything.

Maybe, I was wrong to look at you as a fake.
Maybe there was a misunderstanding somewhere, that I misjudged your words & actions for something else.
And this happens because,
The things that I needed to know from you were unexplained,
So how was I to see the picture you're trying to put out?

You have to lay it out, to me.
Not keep it in your thoughts, and expect me to understand.

Anyways.
About this sister matter.

After all this bullshit I daresay.
At least she was getting an honest look at my life.
And in a way that was what mattered.
Yes, I am not a simple girl.
I am a complex person, which you can actually find interesting if you just stop looking at all my flaws for one second.

Now you've seen me for what I am.
I am not going to pretend to be her and fake my own me just for you.
Deep down I believe that being truthful is about the most important thing anyone could be.
If you couldn't be honest, you couldn't be anything.

Not being honest just sets up a chain of disasters that would make everything impossible.

I made a decision on that daw when I was absofuckinglutely hurt, that

I would always always always be totally straight with anyone - whatever it did and
wherever it led.

2007-08-23T22:47:00.000+08:00

Ok so today was the last day of being in class W14D.

Next semester, I'll be in a totally different class.
I am so going to miss them alot.
Like fucking alot, how? ):

Sabrina. BOO.
Still must go break together uh.
She takes up like 1/4 of my life.
Haha.
Despite knowing her only for 4 months now.
Feels like 4 years.

And Jerome.
My tooth buddy.
Bryan. Iskandar. Farah. Najihah. So so many more.
And how can I forget Joe. Haiz

I'm sad.
I know we would all still be in the same school.
But republic poly is so big, we'd all be scattered in different buildings.

Ok so today was the last lesson for Science.
All the way, C grade bebeh.
Well, still a pass.
Only the FIRST week i got a B for my daily grade.

So our PHD (permanent head damage) Turkeysh teacher suprised us with a few slides after our whole presentation.

He did this.
For each and everyone of us in the class.

Haha.

and..

lol.
So these are the few pictures that I managed to capture using my cellphone.
Our teacher did this for each and everyone of us in the class.

And Me,
"BEST UNMOTIVATED STUDENT."

LOL.
Everyone was laughing like hell.
It was funny through out the whooole freaking thing.

And when I shook his hands like how everyone did to receive one m&m sweet from him,
I screamed,
"I LOVE SCIENCE!"

And he was like. "Ya right."
LoL.

Oh well.
I hate Science, really.
Since I was young.
I remembered when Mom used to sit with me everyday and test me about plants in primary 4.
I kept crying, it was pathetic.
I just couldn't see the interesting thing about Science.

Still.
I loved today.
After everything,
Aisyah, Chubbs & Aidil created a video song.
Dedicated to our class.
Full of our funny pictures with the graduation song.

I know it's not like we're gonna die or anything.
But still,
It felt sad.
Touching.
Our eyes were shiny.
But none teared of course.
lol.

16th April - 23rd August.
W14D.

I fucking love you guys.
And I will miss you guys.
Very, very much.

May we still keep in contact and have frequent class outings.

Muahs.

2007-08-22T23:41:00.000+08:00

Nyehh.

We had a talk.
You spat.
I responded.
I spat.
You didn't.

Your response was,
"Too bad if you feel that way..."

TOO BAD?
That's how YOU repond? REASONABLY?

Gee.
I have nothing to say anymore.
Except that in time, since you did this to human beings around you,
Which is making their lives difficult if you don't understand what i'm talking about(although you're 23 but i think you're quite shallow)

I have a feeling, your daughter will do to you back of all the wrong things that you've done to people.

Face it.
23 years old female has done wrong to a 17 year old.
And she doesn't wanna face it oh, because she's 23.

Nyeh nyeh.

I am immature.
Think again.
You really, really are bad at analysing.
Poor you.

Boo.

2007-08-21T21:49:00.001+08:00

One thing that I have to say, you are unreasonably determined.
And that's called stubborn.

You are not bothered by anything or everything that has gotta do with me, be it the good things, or the bad things.

Hey, I have a classmate who's 24, from ITE, now excelling, still schooling, unmarried, yet more mature and definitely a girl who makes reasonable assumptions in all kinds of situations.

Oh I'm sorry for being rude, pardon me.
Should I be sorry?
Maybe not.

I love my boyfriend.
I love Nur Azahari.
The only thing that is going to break us up would be because of you.

So now I don't understand why you have to compare ME with HER.
Oh let's now respond to every single detail you mentioned, it's time for me to list all of it out. Because when he tried to respond to you, you ignored it and jump to a totally different point. so now LET'S GO BACK TO WHAT YOU MENTIONED!

You mentioned about :
(1) The time she went straight into your house kitchen and served everyone drinks during Hari Raya.

We JUST went in, and the moment my BUTT TOUCHES THE GROUND, SHE STANDS UP AND GOES INTO YOUR KITCHEN. There wasn't time for me to think, act, or even do anything. What was I supposed to do? I WAS STUNNED.

(2) How you are sooooo stable in your life and responsible while saying I'm not.

Firstly, if you think that having a stable life is like yours, then mine should be classified as MOST stable. I am 17, I am studying, in the future, when I am 30, I'd earn alot and use this money for a living with my family. When you're 30, you're still in the same position. And you can't possibly look out for better jobs because YOUR STUDIES ARE ONLY THAT FAR.

(3) How I live a great life & not doing any house chores.

Before you were married, did you do any house chores? Oh! Yes, if you claim you did, why is it so? Because you HAD to. If I HAD TO DO THE HOUSE CHORES, I would.
But SEE, The thing that YOU'RE NOT GETTING IS.. I have a house keeper. MY MOTHER STUDIED HARD, WORKED HARD, EARNED A LITTLE MORE THAN AVERAGE AND SO SHE USES THIS MONEY TO GET A HOUSE KEEPER.
Any problem with that? She EARNED IT.
It was HER hard work, and she SHARED THIS LUXURY WITH ME, HER DAUGHTER BECAUSE I AM HER FAMILY.

What do you expect, everyone to earn less than you?
You expect yourself to be the most responsible woman on earth while others can't earn alot?

SADDIST!

(4) The time she broke your glass at your house when we settled the problem about bf punching me.

Oh! she doesn't have to pay because she calls your mother IBU?
OH! Then what if I had broken the glass at your house? I WOULD HAVE NEEDED TO PAY!
Because what? I don't call your mother IBU!

You want your brother to be with HER?

Try and make him!

Let's make a deal.

If you manage to get him to love her,
And you manage to get her to fall in love with him,
I'd let go.

Without grudges.
Without disturbing him at all.

Why must I continue this relationship when you keep butting in?
Every single thing I do is a mistake to you?

OH!
And when you talk about all my BAD points, you'd really blabbber!
But when my GOOD points come, you say that there is nothing to be proud of!

HELLO!

Look at me,
Look at you.

Let's compare just ONE point, shall we?

SHALL WE?

NO?
TOO BAD.
YOU DECIDE TO READ ON?
OK!
It's your eyes anyway.

I HAVE COME TO THE STAGE IN MY LIFE WHERE I HAVE READ THE QURAN.
HAVE YOU?

OH!
Another point to compare!
SHALL WE?!?!

Since you like to compare, LET'S!

I HAVE NEVER MADE A REAL TATTOO IN MY LIFE.
HAVE YOU?!

COME ON!

I'm sick of this, okay!
JUST STOP COMPARING ME AND HER!
WHAT IS SO GOOD ABOUT HER?
WHAT IS SO BAD ABOUT ME?

I THINK THAT WE BOTH ARE EQUALLY THE SAME!

Maybe, to you,
She is lembut, has her "Smiling always" motto and infront of people, she gives in!

If you want me to be like her for you just for the sake of being able to stay in your brother's life, i CAN!
I'll be FAKE if you want me to.

Cos that's what this is all about.

ME BEING LIKE HER??

YOU WANT ME TO BE LIKE HER?!?!?!

Enough.

You used to love me and take care of me like your little sister or whatever.
Just because of ONE INCIDENT?
EVERYTHING CHANGES.

CHANGE.
I guess that's the problem with changes-
I guess you never notice the sign until it's too late, until all these little things add up to become one extreme event, one that changes your life and makes you take notice.

I have took notice,
And I think.

Go, go call her to your house now.
Force her to love him.
It wouldn't be that hard, would it?
She also didn't hesitate to THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT I AM HIS GIRLFRIEND AND SHE IS NOT.

SERVING DRINKS STRAIGHT AWAY TO EVERYONE AND I AM THERE LIKE A PIECE OF POO?
KISSING YOUR MOTHER AT BOTH SIDES OF THE CHEEKS WHEN I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT IN MY LIFE?
MEETING HIM WITHOUT HESITATING WHEN HE NEEDS HER!

Great!

All of you need her.
She calls your mother Ibu, wouldn't be that hard to get her in your family's life, would it?

You think it is easy for me to adapt to all these things?
LIKE MY USTAZA SAYS,
CHANGE little by little.
Year by year, even. doesn't matter.
AS LONG AS EVERY YEAR PASSES, THERE IS ONE LEVEL OF CHANGE GOING UP.

You expect too fucking much out of me.
Too fucking much.

Me wanting to break up has got NOTHING to do with MY FEELINGS FADING.
NOTHING.

Well now all of you know why, so don't ask me in person if you see me alone.

Your expectations are too high i can't cope with it.
She's really PERFECT right? SMILING ALwAYS!
I'm sure she'd make your family SMILE from ear to ear!

But just so you know, she dissapears at the wrong time!
Now when it is the right time for her to butt in, she's not!
But when she shouldn't she'll appear!
Like the problem at the house!
Like how she met him when he wanted to!

But now You need her, right?
Try getting her.

All the best.

How do you think it is like for me,
Having my boyfriend's family especially his elder sister to critize me every single day since 20th May,
I won't take this shit from you.
Give it to someone else.

You admitted you fucking want me to be exactly like her.
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

I AM NICE AND SINCERE AND A LOVING PERSON AND RESPECTFUL GIRL WHEN PEOPLE DO THE SAME TO ME.

If you don't see this, then I feel sorry for you.
I really do.

This entry may sound like I disrespect totally,
Well,
I've shown you Miss NICE.
Oh! MISS PATIENT even.

I have been all of these all this while.

It's going to stop.
And it starts now.

WHY NUR AZAHARI IS THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND :

(1) He always tells me i'm beautiful.
(2) He never fails to try and make me smile when I am down.
(3) He makes me feel better about stuff, because when I tell him my problems, he totally understands and responses like we're best friends.

He has been the biggest part of my life for 2 and a half years.
He's be so hard to let go of, I don't know if my heart would feel better.
If I'm not Azahari's gf, if I don't have him, who am I?

I'd feel completely alone for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever.

2007-08-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

Semangat 2 minit?!?!?!!
Ok.

It's just a simple wish.
Clearly, all this while the spit i've wasted has just put a bigger blurness to your precious pair of eyes.

OK!

2007-08-20T00:30:00.000+08:00

Ok! I know I haven't been updating in a long time....

And so I am guessing that this is going to be one hell of a long entry. lol.

Okay, so.
Let's start.

On the 15th of August, it was a day before my bday.
Filled with anxiety.
For some reason, I don't know why.

So when midnight came, people messaged me wishing me.
Mahes messaged me too.
Then my doorbell rang.
I opened the door.
And it was HIM!
MAHES!
Alone.
I was so touched.
So I chilled with him outside my house.
At 2am, Farhan came.
We talked till 5 plus.
Went to triple 8 7-11, talked about our past school life.

I went back to sleep at 6am.
At 6.10am, my phone rang.
Bestie was outside my house then!

He gave me this!

And here is the box cover of the cheesecake!

So bestie left at... 6.30?
I had to wake up at 7 for school, so I decided to stay up.

Went to school sleepily, my eyes were... droopy as hell.

10 minutes of sleep, it was worth it still.
I'd lose my sleep just for the ones I love.

So in class,
Everyone suprised me & Sabrina with two cakes.
They sang the birthday song, & all of us shared the cake.

This was a sweet that looks like a ring after I ate it, from Najihah.

And the cakes I received from Banana, Ya Ping & Siew Huay.

Phone from Daddy. (:

Photo frame from Shameer.

Spongebob book and card from Andy & Syidah.

Card from Mardiah, Bon, Enrico, Iman & Alfian.

Teddybear bank from my dear Fazilla & Nadya.

A necklace from Cuzzie Lina & Kiddie & Rahman.

A Guess sweater and bag from mommy.

And lastly, FROM MY DEAR BELOVED ONE & ONLY BOYFRIEND...

He bought me... A Ripcurl bag..

AND!!

He MADE me...

COOKIES?!?!
Done by himself.
How sweet was that.

My heart skipped a gazillion beats when he presented to me those.
Sigh.

And so the BBQ on friday was great.
Except for one part of the whole event,
The HUGE drama between me & brother.

But oh well.
Siblings.

ANYWAYS.

I want to thank every single one of you guys who were present, who gave me those presents, and those who wished me.

I abso-fucking-lutely LOVE you guys.
I wouldn't have been THIS happy if it weren't for all of you, ok?
And BF, you're the greatest.

Now I REALIZE.

THAT I WOULD BE A STUPID, STUPID BITCH TO EVER EVEN THINK OF LETTING YOU GO.

Because I know now, after so long.
That Nur Azahari can take care of me better than anyone else.

So yeah.

Dearest Bestie got attached on 16 august.
My birthday , bestie! yayness.
I am sooooo happy for him.
He's been waiting for her since FOREVER.

Lee's going to Perth this wed.
I am so going to fucking miss her.
For 3 or 4 months!

My ex bestfriend bday's coming.

Yes. These are the updates.

I just appreciate everything that has happened.
It was nothing like my 16th birthday.
Nothing.

I love you guys.
From the bottom of my heart.
To all of you, Muahs.

Now I have a reason to wake up in the morning.

2007-08-14T01:21:00.000+08:00

All this while you've assured me that I'd be fine if I complied.
Even if I couldn't.

I knew that without you,
Is something I could never do.

2007-08-11T14:58:00.000+08:00

It's been long since I've updated.
So Singapore's birthday was two days ago.
The fireworks were fabulous.
And the best part was, bf was there to watch it with me. (:

Went with bf first, then met Sabrina at town.
She dyed her hair!
Ash brown.
And I cut my hair!
So .. we're like twins. hee.

Oh!
And then me, Bf, Sabrina, Rafiq, Shahril and some others..
Went together.
Out of nowhere, She appears.
I wasn't sure to speak? Or to mute myself.
But I'm thinking.
Ok, just say a few words to her.
And I did.
But maybe she didn't spoke to me at all.
I can't recall.

Hey that rhymed.whatever.

So yeah.

She-who-must-not-be-named.

Why are you making things so difficult for me?
And your other 'true' friend.
The other one, oh forget it, he'll make such a lovely corpse.

My birthday is next week.
Everyone that means something to me, I have invited.
So let's see who'll turn up.

Yeah.
If stupidity got us into this mess,
Why can't it get us out?

Sigh sigh sigh.
And an angel dies.

2007-08-04T22:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was bay beats!
Actually it'd be more happening if I went today, which is a Saturday.
But boo.
Mom. mom. mom.

When can I have my freedom? :(

Anyways, Singapore's birthday is coming!
And exactly a week after that, MINE!
Weehoo.

I don't want any presents.
I just want the people I love to be present with me.
THAT, would mean way more than anything ever.
Them. :(
But what happened in the past cannot be erased.

Once it's been burst, it's gone forever.
But another bubble has been formed.
Which includes my dear Sabrina, Jerome and all the rest.
Fazilla.Mahes.
I love them ALOT.
THEY are the ones that were with me through thick or thin,
Rain or shine.
They don't follow the majority's view, but their own.
Esp Fazilla.

Who was there with me on my bday last year?
She, Nadya, and Cuzzie.
And I appreciate it alot.
Only three.

Oh. Haiz.
Sixteen sucks.
I hope Seventeen doesn't.

Well.
Bf bought me an advanced bday present!
A rip curl bag!
Small one, very cute. :)
Thnk u Bf. 26 bucks.
Wee! I LOVE U I LOVE U.
Now that's another bubble that has been protected with an unbreakable glass covering it.

But I miss them.
Very much.
I'm sad.
But what can I do?
Life goes on, right.
But not as easy as it sounds.

Oh, and I don't give a damn about whoever who thinks that my entries are always sad.
Then don't read it!
Yay. A solution for you.

We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.

2007-08-01T22:25:00.000+08:00

Ok firstly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR DEAR BELOVED WONDERFUL DADEHHHHH!!!!!!
He's 51 already.
Bought him two workin shirts from john little and I hope that he very much likes it.

Haiz.
In 10 years, i'll be 27.
He'd be 61.
Another 10, 37.
He's 71.
..........

And I just hope he'd live longer and longer.
If possible, forever. ):

Ok enough of scary thoughts.

Yesterday was totally full of ultimate fun-ness.

Had the RP jump in school,
Which is about the opening ceremony of Republic Poly.
Boyfriend came, even though outsiders are not allowed.
There was a shirt that we had to get, if not we aren't able to go in.
So he used mine, and I used Farah's. :)
Because Farah couldn't come.

So here was what happened.
We were all standing in two lines.
Everyone.
And the space in the middle was for Lee Hsien Loong to walk through.
With some ambassodors.
So there was this bodyguard infront of him, followed by him himself.
Everyone shook his hands!
Touched it at least.
When they were coming to my direction,
I held out my hand.
The bodyguard saw my hand ....
And.

HE SLAPPED MY FRIGGIN HAND AWAY! SO HARD! ):
I was stunned & upset.
Haiz.
It's not like I'm a terrorist or something who was going to take out a gun or anything.
Sheesh.
But I guess it's a guard's duty, right?
Damn.
I should have held out my hand AFTER he walked pass me.
Cos tt's what everyone else did.
I guess I was just so excited.
Yeah, of course man, I never in my life once saw the PM like, LIVE.

Anyways.
After tt, at 10, was the dance.

Okay.
It was fun with sabrina, jerome and all.
But some, were way over the line man.

There's this one guy.
Shall not name who.
Who danced with different girls everytime I turned around.
And when one girl left,
He was humiliated or something that he was desperate enough to take out his cell phone and called a girl.
And asked her to come with him and dance with him.
Gosh.
The moves.
Are just.. Disgusting.

I think I roughly know how people dance in a club,
Yeah,
But this?
Oh no.

He saw me, called out my name,
And bf was beside me and of course,
He gave the go-to-hell-look.

HELLO.
Even if Bf wasn't there i'm not so cheap to dance with him like that.

Oh man this is what I call desperate,
Not hot at all.
Yucks . Make that a double yuck.

Some of those who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations.

2007-07-29T17:12:00.000+08:00

Lol. So me & Cuzzie decided to copy paste this song lyric at our blogs.
(:
Only I know You know.

Alrights.
here goes.
Download this song peeps.
It's really nice.

Outta My System

[T-Pain]
Oh

[Bow Wow - speaking]

Damn
I Just keep thinking about you (oh Baby)
I mean I wanna move on but I can't move on (ohhhh)
It's like you have some kind of hold on me and I don't Know (oh ohh oh ohh)
But Imma go ahead and talk about it
Listen

[Verse 1]

I'm sitting looking out the window like damn
Tryna fix this situation that's at hand
You still running through my mind when I'm knowing that you shouldn't be,
Me all on yo mind and I'm knowing that it couldn't be
Cause you ain't call and I ain't even appalled
I still got allot of pain I ain't dealt wit it all
I been running round with other chicks, I'm single and they loving it, I'm liking it but I just want the
one that I was in love with.
That's not the end of it, I'm tryna let you know I can't,
Get a grip of it is what I'm tryna let you know.
You got a hold or some kind of control of me
I don't know what it is, but I gotta get you gone from me
I'm working at it and it ain't getting no better just tryna be like, yeah, forget it, whatever Instead
of staring out this glass looking at this bad weather, damn I gotta pull myself together
Cause...

[Chorus - T-Pain]

When I'm with somebody, all I think bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smiling faces in my sidekick,
Outta town visits, all the time we spent together makes it hard
to get you outta my system.
You know what you do to me (do to me)
You don't even understand (damn)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
It's so hard to get you outta my system.

[Verse 2]

I'm too attached, my heart won't let me fall back
I got it bad, that's what you can call that (ah)
When I see you in the streets, that's the worse for me
Used to love the little things you did, that's what works for me
It's too major, don't see you on my pager,
Know what you doing, where you at, or can I see you later? (Can I see you later?)
The fellas telling me 'just let her go Bow', believe me, I'm trying man, I just don't know how
(Just don't know how)
I be in all the top spots, leaving with the hot shots, knowing they just want me cause I'm in the top spot
That's not poppin and my brain aint stopping, thinking
Who she with, or where she going, is she club hoppin?
I never had this kind of problem in my life, this is my first time dealing with this kind of fight
It's every night and every flight and every time you in my sight,
Damn this aint even right, cause...

[Chorus - T-Pain]

When I'm with somebody, all I think bout is you (yeaa)
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do (yeaaaa)
I miss the smiling faces in my sidekick,
Outta town visits, all the time we spent together makes it hard
to get you outta my system. (ohhh)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
You don't even understand (damn)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
It's so hard to get you outta my system.

[Hook - Bow Wow]

Is it wrong for me to feel this way, you been running through my mind all day
Can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind, but I cant after all this time
That's what kills me
Is it wrong for me to feel this way, you been running through my mind all day
Can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind, but I cant after all this time
And it kills me

[Chorus - T-Pain]

When I'm with somebody, all I think bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smiling faces in my sidekick,
Outta town visits, all the time we spent together makes it hard
to get you outta my system. (Hard to get you outtt)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
You don't even understand (damn)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
So hard to get you outta my system

[Bow Wow - speaking]

I remember everything that me and you talked about
Me and you had our whole lives planned out together (oh ohh oh ohh)
And if I could, I would, turn back the hands of time and correct all my mistakes that I ever did
But now I guess I gotta move on, right?
It's still hard and I still love you till this day
Peace.

2007-07-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

Went to Plaza Sing ytd.
Watched movie with Sabrina, Jerome, Shanker, Ryan, Ashley & Iskandar.
Simpsons.
Damn funny.
A MUST WATCH.
We laughed our hearts out through out the whole freakin movie.

Spider pig. Spider pig.

It has been a long time since I saw kak Michelle,
And I met up with her today.

Oh talking about those childhood memories.
I miss those days.
Can I rewind everything and start back again?
No, idiot.
If we had a chance to wish for something,
I am pretty sure that everyone would want to rewind back to a certain point of time.
Where they were happy, innocent and when they had harmless intentions.

Hmmm.
Oh anyways.

Teday,
I went to town.
All over town.
My feet were killing me but it was worth it.
Kak Michelle just got her pay,
And she bought for me a Forever 21 pink dress!
Plus ZARA leggings.

I just wanna say Thank You sooo much.
She insisted on paying for food even,
Everything.
I love ya, you know it..
i MISS those times.. I really do.
When I grow older,
Old enough to get a high paid job I will definitely treat you.
I promise.
THNK U!!! (:

She bought herself a handbag, shoes, wallet?
Met mummy after that. (her mom).
Used to call her that when we were younger and I still do.

Talked about so many things.
Whoa.
She's been through shits I never would have thought of.
Was stunned at some stuff she never told me before.
But I was never told because I was too young to understand at tt time.
She's wise, now.
Now THAT's what I call MATURE.
At only 20. Yup.

Had a great day overall.
Oh, and i miss bf like crazy.
Crazy.

For once today my mind was off everything.
As I begin to understand life less & less,
I begin to love it more & more.

Some thoughts are better left alone.

Why did I have to eat where I shit?

Life is like a game of cards.
The hand that is dealt with properly, you represent determinism.
The way you play it is free will.

2007-07-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

lol.
Yes. yes.
My dear cousin's 17th birthday.

I find it cool to have a cousin same age, same thoughts.
But now, you're alredy 17!
Nb.
I'm still a 16 year old kid.
lol.

Oh!
So the pictures spoke of what happened today.
Actually, Me & Kid wanted to pour all of the flour onto her head.
But she was in her uniform, so,
Yeah, the bday girl gotta get some credit.

Wooh. Fun.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Love ya cuzzzzzz. HAPPY 17TH BDAY AGAIN!!

There's this place where I wanna be in,
A place where I was part of,
A place of happiness.
I stare at it, for long.
Why couldn't I get in?
I took a step forward, my forehead hit itself.

The transparent glass in between me, and it.

2007-07-22T16:35:00.000+08:00

Oh, oh..! ):

I feel like in prison at home...):):

I miss boyfriend.
He's so hardworking.
Studying, Working, yay.
I'm glad to see the motivation and the strong will that he has for everything. (:

Boyfriend is the best.
We have gone through shit.
Make that two shits.
Still, I think now's the turning point.
Where we both have grown up.

No, no, not adult grown up.
Just, as teenagers.
Because that's what we are.
17 & 18.
Right?

Chill lah!
Why must think further than tt!
He & I, mesti lah knows when to do what.

Right?
And oh,
It's not i that i win, you lose.
No no no, (:.

It is that you gave up, I didn't.
Where's the love?

I don't know.
I tried, kay?
Give in to me.
Since you're like what, older than me?
Takkan lah tk faham keadaan saye ni?

Alahai.
If you think i'm no good for him, so be it.
You used to like me alot!
Where did all that go to?
Just cos of some stupid incident.
Why're you taking it soo hard still?

It's over!
Let it go!

You love God so much right?
Ask him.
He knows.
He showed me the path.
If God sees that I am not to be with him,
Then why didn't he answere YOUR prayers of hoping that I am not a part of him?

It's because we're fated,
Please accept it,
I am willing to make things alrigt,
So can't you just let it go already?

Sigh.
Ok?
Please?
Gosh.

2007-07-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

One night and one more time,
Thanks for the memories .
Even though they weren't so great.

Thanks for the memories.

2007-07-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

hello hello babygirl.
lol.

Learnt it from Rischka.

Oh anyways.

Cuzzie's birthday is coming soon.
Yay-ness.
Celebrating at Sentosa.
AGAIN! going to Sentosa.
Went to Sentosa with my bitches the past Saturday.
It was.. Freakin fun.

Pictures!

HEHO!
Okay coolness.

Sentosa. Vivo. Town. Home, Scolding.
As usual.

Met rischka ytd too. and asshikin.
My 2 long lost friends - Found

Talked about our problems in our lives.
Turns out they've not changed a single bit.

I miss going on Holidays with rischka and her family plus mine.
When we were young, Oh those days.

Happiness.
It is a fucking great feeling.

ANYWAYS.

Back to the reality of my life.
Yes, I am pessimistic most of the time.
But that's just thoughts.
I don't bring it forward through actions.
Because negative actions leads to negative consequences.
Negative words? It leads to having you to think.

If you want yourself and others especially to be happy, practise compassion.

I sat on my thinking chair.
& my happiness.
Came.
Finally.
I don't care about other disturbing things alredy.
Enough of tt.
It will come around soon.

Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

God is great, tt butterfly landed on me.
Just when I was about to give up.

Thank you boyfriend & friends.
Supporting me ever so endlessly.
I fucking love you guys.

Ok.
Very.

We make a living by what we get.
We make a life, by what we give.

2007-07-13T23:41:00.000+08:00

Eh!
It's been a long time since I updated, man.
So alot has been going on..
In school..
Love life..

Hmm.

I haven't been rude and I never intended to be so,
But sometimes when the limits have reached it's highest peak,
My full found respect will be like a needle in a hay stack.
And it is now.

Oh, changed now ehy.
Into a good muslim, i might say?
You know all love for God, what life brings,
Emphasizing, Responsibilty.

You see the good in God and of course, it is a must..
But have you not learnt of the good in god teaching us what is called...

Seeing the good in people?
Forgiving? Respecting?

Have I not been respecting you all this while?

Hear me out.

i NEVER asked for MY BF TO PUT HIS FAMILY AFTER ME.
I ALWAYS TELL HIM TO PUT HIS FAMILY BEFORE ME.
I NEVER FAIL TO TELL HIM THAT.
NEVER.

SO STOP ACTING LIKE I DID.
STOP ACTING LIKE HE ABANDONED HIS FAMILY BECAUSE HE DIDN'T & ISN'T.
STOP OVER-REACTING.

A person.
Who has his family, forsay, a sibling.
And he has a love life, a girl.

When there is a conflict.
Between this sibling & the girl.

It isn't about siding the one he puts as first priority.
It is about analyzing the content of the matter and siding who is right or wrong.

The kind of intelligence a genius has is a different sort of intelligence.
The thinking of a genius does not proceed logically.
It leaps with great ellipses.
However, a human mind thinks logically.

You are not a human mind.
Because there is no logic in your thinking.
Neither are you a genius.
Because it has never leaped with great ellipses.

These conflicts.
There is a good and bad side to it.
Conflicts can make things worse,
Or can make things better by learning from it.

It is what we do with the conflict that makes the difference.

I tried.To deal with this conflict positively.
Infinite times.
And i Give up.
Maybe , face the fact that I have changed.
Into a better one.

You want your brother to have a girlfriend which he has known since he was younger?
Go find her then.
Make him fall in love with her.
Make him fall in love with her more than he has ever loved me.

Because if he ever does,
I'll let go.

2007-07-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

His birthday was on the 3rd of July.
A minute to midnight,
Over the phone, ready to scream and shout at the top of my lungs.
"HAPPY BDAY!"
The split second before I was about to do that,
"knock knock".

It was them.
Them who were special to me.
Outside his house.
Sang the happy birthday song,
And I was hanging there, sad.

But forget that.

Pictures shall now be posted.

And today, The sweetness that astounded me.

Oh, and what I did for his birthday was..
Not buying his favourite book,
But making it.
The latest Harry Potter book.

Written.
827 pages.
Took all the time that I possibly could to do it.

Magic. :)

wee-la-la.
I'm happy.

Love doesn't sit there like a stone.
It has to be made like bread,; remade all the time..
Made new.

You made it feel so new.
(:

Thank u.

2007-07-04T11:26:00.001+08:00

Yeserday was boyfriend's birthday.
Happy bday.
I love u.

& i shall stop at that.
People are so contradicting.

2007-07-01T00:41:00.001+08:00

12.41am, Already a Sunday.
Saturday went by soooo freakin fast.
But tt's good.
Because it will be coming to BF's birthday on tuesday!
Woohoo.

So just now went to Cuzzie's school fun fair.
It was fun.
Took the ride which made me dizzy.
After tt, went to Bishan to meet Jerome & Bryan.
Then bought KFC and sat under the block chillin while waiting for Shanker.
Then we went to town and Sabrina met us there.

Me & her were rummaging through the ZARA clothes like mad,
Since the clothes were all sales items.
BUT.
Couldn't find ANYTHING tt we wanted in the end.
lol.

Then went home.

I think & think & I think some more.
I like to think.
Which sucks.
Don't ever think too much.
But yet don't be so indifferent about things as well.

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong.
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.

Now from the weak, to the strong.
And i'm going to hold on no matter what.

Bf is one of the most the greatest guys ever to live in this world.

Everytime I see you falling I,
Get down on my knees & pray.
I'm waiting for that final moment. You,
Say the words that i can't say.

2007-06-30T00:15:00.001+08:00

Actually ah, now i very sleepy.
So i can't be bothered about my grammar or whatsoever.
So don't mind ah.
My eyes are heavy and has been heavy since forever but i just felt the need to say what i feel and say whatever i want without anyone judging me or thinking like wth is she blabbering about , nonsense! then dont read ah! nb. -.-

Anyway ah,
I am sad and my sorrows are deeper than the grounds burried underneath.
I am sad because i just realised im just a fucking loser to anything and everything.
I have a boyfriend yes and tts the only thing tt is keepig me alive now.

To be truthful ah i shall list what i keep on thinking about in my everyday life which is making my mind harmed and when i grow old like nenek these will be thoughts tt will haunt me for the rest of my life.

i will just say what i feel lah ah ok.
so whether it is reasonable and sensible to u or not tt one u go one corner den tink k if dont want den dont.

firstly ah, the 1 friendship ah tt i tried to gain since sec 3 when i fought with him abt fork n spoons tt one is plain stupid ah. pls grow up k get over things. sheesh look whose talking im not geting over it myself. but becos i knew the frenship was once so precious & it hurts ah when i go in my FIRST frenster account where he wrote for me comments which r super friendly . 2004 life was great.

I shall just give whatever i can vaguely. Here are all the things that i am sad abt.

- The fight with J since 2005 till now

- Going to his workplace and callin his name, no response at all

- The bitch who so freaking used to be called my best friend & had a secret blog hating me deeply in her heart

- In Feb when i bought the other a watch, wtf was i tinking

- I just want to be friends but it is tough becos bf can't handle it

- Just like how i can't handle abt lily

- The day in 2006 when it is my birthday but only two people turned up with a 2kg cake that father brought for me

- The day when my mother asked me where are my friends

- The day i realised i actually am not significant in other's lives

- When my hp screen calls & msges are only from bf & mother

- When they had to be in his house to settle it and be there for him but not me

- When she deleted my picture from her slideshow, like i said i am of no significance

- When he just told me to get over it & move on, without any tone of care or in malay called "pujuk"

- When i knew i had been there for him all the time, i thought i was at least sth special but no, maybe not so much. it hit me hard, i even called him to clarify & felt abit better. Still, i feel empty & hallow cos it just shows, how oblivious i am

- When he punched me in the face & walked out of my life

- When his sister started hating me ever since

- When i used my school money 10 bux to bake her a cake . it wasnt nice at all so i wanted to redo it with cuzz

- When all my respect for her is given and none to me

- When i see my classmates in poly & observe each & everyone of them. I swear they were happy, happy people who keeps contact with sec school friends and laughing & smiling. Except for me. They think im a happy person but im done being a cartoon.

- 22nd may is gone. i am not part of the 6 anymore

- 9 july

How long more can this mask be put on my face.
I am sad, if u think what is listed is pathetic then it is, but this is my blog and i can even choose a picture of poo in my blog and u dont have to care.

How to keep it in longer i do not know,
my mind is crazy.

longest entry ever.

shoot me. shoot me now.

2007-06-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

It has been ages since I met bf.
Like, almost a week?
I know it's like huh, a week.
But sometimes, when you have adapted to something, it just feels weird to suddenly get used to a different style of living.

So anyways.
We didn't meet for so long.
Bf finished work at 5pm and wanted to meet,
So I suprised him at AMK hub where he worked.
Saw the most gorgeous guy at the cashier,
Smiling.
It's BF!
I stood there, he didn't notice me.
Until I said "pssst".
He turned, and said "EH!" so loudly.
lol.

After he was done, he ran to me where I sat down and we hugged.
First time, meet only then hug.
But it felt great.

Sometimes, we think too much about the problems in our lives about what we have lost that we don't realise to cherish with what we still have.

If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.

2007-06-24T23:16:00.001+08:00

I so effing miss bf.

:'(.

I LOVE U HONEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

2007-06-24T04:08:00.001+08:00

4 am already & i didn't even realise it.
Today went ter JB with mom and cousins.
So fun meeting them.
I have this family feeling mood only like once in a blue moon.
How sad.

Anyhows.
I bought the cards "Donkey" with cuzz.
Had a dollar left & it was dollar.
Felt like a small kid.

I wish I could press rewind to when i was P6.
Study harder and go to another secondary school.
It has felt like ages since I left Northland but the memories were great.
Some.
Most, suck.
I would have studied harder,
Go to another school,
And live a life there.

But of course,
I'm pretty glad I can't rewind things.
Wouldn't have met bf.
But maybe, life would have been better for us.
He'd won't have sleepness nights thinking how to make things right.
I won't have sleepless nights thinking about such worthless things like these right now.

Oh well.
Thinking about life.
I can't wait to fast forward.
To the point where I don't think about bloody emo kiddies inside but act like they're not on the outside.
Help was offered but it was not taken.
Just plain nothingness.
Meaningless friendships.Fuck that.
Mahes's rule number one, Sheila.
Keep thinking about his rule number one & follow it.
I shall.
All the way.

Life is not a matter of chance.
It is a matter of choice.
It is not a thing to be waited for,
It is a thing to be achieved.

I know to this point right now,
I've achieved what I wanted.
TRUE friends.
a GREAT bf.
A study life tt leads me to what I want to be in the future.

But I have yet to achieve something.
Not a normal life, but a great one.
And I shall.
Positively.

2007-06-22T10:44:00.000+08:00

Gheez.
Ever since 20 May happened nothing was ever the same anymore.

There are two things.
First, that one i really don't know what to say ah.
Deleted?
Okay then.
I really have nothing to say.
You will forever MIA skejap2 ade skejap2 tkde, and forever will have problems.
And say that you wanna keep it to yourself.
Say that you have experienced alot of betrayals of trust from people.
You have a problem with trusting people.

But I didn't do anything to you so I wanna ask what has it gotta do anything with me.
It's others who betrayed your trust not me,
It is unfair tt you push me away, it is unfair.
You say it isn't my fault, nothing.
I am here and you don't want my help.
Oh! you don't need my help.
That's just fucking plain egositic and fucking indifferent.

You just want to be emo by yourself pushing people away,
And that's not realistic.
Who was the one who told me not to do stupid things when I was depressed like a shithead like a month ago?
Another thing.
When anyone in this universe seeks to confide in someone,
You don't expect to receive an advice.
Yes you do, but not an advice with no softness, with the care that you expected to be present.
I wasn't up to receive such tone that came off of you.

Oh, and last.
This is a totally different topic.
But yea.
Think of the times when you were 17.
With no disrespect, I just wish to know.
Were you like me when you were 17?
Not now ah.
but SEVENTEEN.

Just like me.
Yet to know the many obstacles of the world and still young to discover yet so many things.
So you HAVE to understand.
What i'm going through.
Because I know you know,
That for a fact.

You were worse than me when you were 17.

Because if you can compare how I am like now compared to how you think you're right of the way you handle things,
Let's get fair and comapare when we were the same age.

Ok full stop!
My own brother doesn't tell me that I am Shitty in anything I do.
Be it in studies or r.ship or just anything else.
Instead, he helps.
He is older than me, but he respects me as well.
He cares. And wants to make things right.
Make everything in peace.

Sometimes I just don't get it,
I never had lack of disrespect for you.
But you're trying to earn it.And i don't get why.

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

And I want to begin it.

Why can't everyone just be happy?
HAPPY?

HAPPYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nabehness uh.
Maybe me being sad doesn't help.
Because I am being stepped on,
Literally stepped ON, with poo under the shoe.

Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything.
They just cry over their condition.
But when they get angry, they bring about a change.

And I'm going to bring about a change.
Enough of this, I never asked to be first priority never ever ever.
I never disrespected,
But now it has lacked,
Because I'm not getting the same good shit i'm giving.

And waiting for tt miracle,
Let's get real.
Miracles DON'T happen and drop from the sky.
WORK for it.
I am.
Are you?

You-s? for tt matter.

People have become so indifferent without realising it.
Sheesh.

K nuff of the emo. nuff said.

2007-06-20T23:19:00.000+08:00

I'm upset. I'm upset. I'm upset.

I'm speechless.
I don't know.
Seriously. Wordless.

2007-06-17T20:46:00.000+08:00

Okay sometimes acting hero totally does not work.

My hands are wearing out and my fingers have become numb.
Gheez.
But I won't give up!
I HAVE to do this present completely or else what's the use of trying it in the first place.
Hee.

Ok i shall update when i have intelligent things to talk about.
Nuff said!

2007-06-14T04:02:00.000+08:00

Ok this is the 2nd entry for this early morning!
It's 4.02 AM.
I just thought of SOMETHING!!!

HIS BIRTHDAY!!!
And i KNOW what to give him.
Something priceless, but doesn't invole money.

I have now till the 2nd of July.

Which is 19 days.
So average per day, is 40 times.
I have to do it 40 times.
But it is okay!

WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

If ye wanna know what it is,
Wait till the 3rd of July haha and I shall post it in my next entry on tt day.

HEHOO!!
Excited yeah, a little bit.
But not that ecstatic.
Because it takes up alot of time & energy.

But still.

It's for my baby, baby!!!

Ok i better sleep.
nuff said.

2007-06-14T00:31:00.001+08:00

Today I went to Lavender to change my passport photo.
And i look like sheeeeiiittt.
Okay.

The woman was like so fierce,
She was telling me to look straight, look at the damn lense,
Which I have removed my contact lenses for awhile and when I was taking the picture I so totally couldn't see where was the freakin lense.

By then,
With all her fussiness my smile faded at the end.
Heho.
Never mind la ehh.

Umm.
Today I found out something which I just KNEW was true,
All along.
My instincts.
I'm kindda good at them.
I think.
And I hear words say to me like no,
You're over reacting.
No, you think too much.
but HEY.

All this while bebeh,
All this while.
But I am keeping it cooler than I thought I would,
because I thought I saw it coming.
I mean actions speaks louder than words.
Uh, yeah.

And I also realised that i don't idolise you as much as I did.
Because I came to see that no one is perfect.
Yea, I've heard the saying like a 100 times.
But I finally saw the meaning behind it.

Everyone has problems.
Though you might think that you're more burdened than the other.

The grass might seem greener on the other side of the fence,
But in the end it has to be mowed, still.

2007-06-12T04:57:00.000+08:00

I changed my blog add but then I decided not to.
Hm.
4.57AM.
Talked to Mahes for like, two hours?
And phone battery went dead.

Alot has been going on lately.
I sometimes wonder why life has to be so dramatic.
Or maybe I made it sound too dramatic.
Whatever.
It is, for me.

Maybe I should follow his rule number One.
And Two.
Also, doing the 'test' for a week.
But it'll work?
Maybe.

Mother told me last night to not worry about my friendships so much.
And wants me to excel in life, with my studies.
Then when that happens, I can choose to do whatever I want to later on.

And then the topic about a boyfriend came in.
She doesn't care whether rich or poor,
Good looking or not,
She just wants me not to get stressed.
With a good soul & great character.
Which I have found.

I was dying for to tell her about what I had just gone through lately.
Which I can never do,
Because she wouldn't understand.
I wish I could tell her.
But the one thing I was so happy about was that she didn't care who I chose to be with.
She just wanted me to be happy.

Anyways.
School is starting next week.
I can hardly wait actually because i am freakin' bored at home.
And his birthday is coming up soon.
Which I hope I can make it as a memorable one.

Oh, yes.
I shall not force myself anymore.

Yes, I may have dyed hair.
I speak English at home.
I have quite an easy life financially.
But that doesn't mean I do not understand the difficulties in life,
To not know my religion, my limits as a being,
To not know what is the basic need which is respect.

I am not a hooligan who for e.g. goes clubbing, drink, whatever tt is over the limit.
So why treat me like one?
Seriously, do not judge anything by its look.
Because looks can be deceiving.

When I think back,
I have been what I have always been.
And i don't need to change entirely just to please.
Maybe time is needed to see who I am as a person,
Not for who I am expected to be.
I can only change so much.
And I did.

Or maybe,
I should just relax and live my life.
Hey, i'm barely 17.
Don't expect me to have a 25 year old thinking.

But i do know that I have habits which I need to change.
Which i think i already have,
So,
All i can hope for is for it to be seen.

God is great, isn't he?
He'll make it come around.

Thoughts lead on to purposes, purposes go forth in action.
Actions form habits, habits decide character.
And character fixes our destiny.

So we shall see.

I just hope ten years down the road,
Everything will be okay & i will just look back on this and laugh.

Okay long entry.
Enough said.

2007-06-07T23:22:00.000+08:00

Ok so today I was supposed to go to ecp with my classmates and I ended up over - sleeping and so when I wanted to meet them later my mother's room got locked from the inside because my grandmother who has lost almost a 100% of her memory locked the door from the inside without realising it and my clothes are there and everything else is in there because although i have my own room i don't have my important stuff in there as my room is conquered by some idiot like a maid who doesn't do housework and laze around and thinks she is the boss which i think she have worked here for too long since im primary four and she thinks she can do anything she wants then what's the point of having a maid its like she does nothing and still gets paid and doesn't listen to me or my brother when asking her to do things she will only listen when mother is around which doesn't occur very often and now i am pissed off and mad at myself because i feel bad that i couldn't go see them when they tried to call me a billion times but my cell phone left six cents and put aside all that i am ok with him alredy but why is it so hard to please his family when i am trying my best and i don't know what to do and i am really really just mentally exhausted with everything clogging up in my small brains as i have a freaking short term memory like seriously.

Yeah.

2007-06-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

Yello!
I found a song on my cousin's blog.
And it is nice, like i've heard it before.
Anyways, I shall steal the song lyrics from her.
And this song lyrics,
is for.

NUR AZAHARI BIN MOHAMED SHARIFF.

Um, ok.
Here goes.
Every word.

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Boy you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

I'll Be Waiting.

OK! enough of the emo emotions!!
BYE y'all.

2007-06-02T15:34:00.000+08:00

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

So, I think, i THINK.
Tt no matter how hard i try to change myself & live up to expectations,
It just don't come through no matter what.
Because what is looked for in me is only the negative things.

I share all these with myself, the insecurities.
The sadness..
But i know,
family comes first.
It is always first, for any human with the right mind.

Everyone has their bad sides.
But consider the possibilities of when and how they are good too.

The feeling that is felt right now?
It's like,

Expecting the world to treat you fairly,
Because you are a good person.

It's almost like expecting the bull not to attack you,
because you are a vegetarian.

2007-05-31T20:36:00.001+08:00

Ok!
It's been a long time since I've updated.
The last time I did,
Things were...
A Mess.

I played the song "last night" by p.diddy &keisya cole.
And mother was at home the whole day not working,
Because it's vesak day.
And she said,
"Lagu setan ape ni ah?!?!"
Then i'm like "Huh?? It's just a song lahh."

Then she frowned.

Maybe it's because she works too much everyday,
See me less than maybe two hours in the house.
And she thinks i'm a young girl,
Sitting at home, Studying, doing clever things like read books.

One song, and it was enough to make her go mad?

*speechless*
*smacks the head a million times* emoticon.

Anyways.
My personal life.
It doesn't matter if I choose not to blog it in here, right.

Maybe not for now.

Anyways,
Yesterday class gathered at Andy's house.
He lives in a CONDO.
Woo. Such fun we had.
I loved yesterday.
Farah sent me home, she drove.
Cool right. Haiz.
When will I get my driving license?
2009, I think.
Still a long way to go.

Ok, I have nothing else to say and this post is plain boring i know.
so..
Till then.

2007-05-27T01:23:00.000+08:00

It's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want.
It's only a choice.
No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now,
Between fear and love.
The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off.
The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

& I hope your fam will accept me for who I am, 1 day.
I'll pray.

2007-05-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

Oh.
Poof.
Tt day never existed.

Put aside that,
Aside to where dogs would eat those memories,

I just gotta say.
Since I haven't gotten the chance when my mind is so screwed up.
WAS screwed up.
I just want to say.

I FUCKING LOVE MY BITCHING CREW.
SABRINA, ISKANDAR, JEROME, MELODY TOO.
THNK U.
FOR COMING ALL THE WAY DOWN FOR ME.
I LOVE U GUYS.
THIS IS WHAT I CALL, FRIENDS.

10 years from now,
I'll look back on all this.
& Laugh.

2007-05-22T22:54:00.000+08:00

Everyone preaches.
Some, look like they really preach.

But when you realise that you actually don't practice what you preach,
Please shut the hell up.

Don't be so humble, you are not that great.

If you don't like me,
Act like you don't.
Don't be nauseatingly pretencious.
Because it is obvious.

Only Me, God & the other human being shares this secret.
Other than these 3, shut up & deal with your own life,
And pratice what you preach like you claim so much you do. (:

2007-05-21T01:18:00.001+08:00

i can't sleep.
what happened today , i am still trying to process it.
i can't believe it.
i don't believe it.
i don't want to believe it.

i try to act tough, like i'm strong.
how long can this last.
oh god, please show me the way.

2007-05-15T00:48:00.000+08:00

My twin & soon to be bestie has this quote,
"I hate emo kiddies."

I think tt actually applies to me now.
I hate them,
But I think i'm one myself.

Not literally having that punk rock look with thick eyeliners or anything like that,
As in,
Mentally Emo.

I tend to think about the past alot.
Like, my bf's ex gfs.
Or, my past painful friendships.

Get over it ah.
Nabeh.
But it's not as easy as it seems.

I always have this mindset where everything I do,
There is belief.
Where belief is painful, we are slow to believe.

Now tt I do have this belief, why do I still feel like..
It still sucks?

Have you ever felt something is so impossible that when it happens it's barely even real to you at all?
Or felt something that was once so far tt when it's near,
You like, dismiss the possiblity of it's existence before you even consider it possible?

I hope i'm not like that.
But then again,
Maybe I am.

How ironic.
I hate emo kiddies too.
But i THINK, i mentally am one.

Sheesh.

2007-05-10T23:49:00.000+08:00

When i stare at her.
I pity her.
What had gotten her to be like this?
What caused this?

I look at her.
She's sitting there.
After showering, I look at her.
She's still there.
Hours later, playing with my laptop, I look at her.
Still there.

She's the most punkrockest nenek anybody could have known.
The only most fun thing that she can do is smoke.
And?
Tt's it.

I pity my grandmother.
She has partially lost her memory.
She can only remember her children.
And she doesn't call me by my name.
She hates my maid, sometimes mistaking tt the maid is my grand dad's 2nd wife.

And now.
She's old.
Not getting younger by the minute.
And no one cares for her.
And she's lost.
Sometimes when eating,
I see her cry silently on the food itself.
Maybe she's misses my grand dad.
Or hates my house.
And wonders where is her children?
I don't know.

I feel sad for her.
I didn't realise how fortunate I am to still be young & senile.
Go to school, meet friends, hang out, shopping, blah3.

And her?
Sit down on the chair.
For HOURS.
Practically the whole day.
Because she cant wash the plates or anything like tt.
She'll mistake chilli sauce for a drink.
& think that a bright yellow sponge is a cake.
Because tt happened before.
Which is why she is always asked to sit, sit & sit.
And she is angry.
Most of the time.

She has gotten trapped in her memories,
The memories of a better time,
And she can't bring herself to accept a world she doesn't want to live in.

2007-05-06T00:32:00.000+08:00

Hey-ho.
Alot of thoughts are running through my mind.

For starters,
Today was Rahman's bday celebration at east coast.
Me & bf went late so we met shahril too at intrchnge & went there together.
The cake was totally delicious.
Baked by my own cousin herself, awww.
Really. How suhwwweeet is that?

Bf was asking me, "would you bake a cake for me for my bday?"
I said.
Noooo.
Because i don't specialize in that, sayang.
But if you want me to learn, of course i will.
Overall it was really fun.
It's been a long time since i hung out with them.
Been busy with my new life?
Missed kiddy and all and finally met it's like weee.

And so another thought crossed my mind.
Crap, i gotta learn how to COOK.
Something simple like frying an egg or something.
Haiz. Bongok ah.

Oh, one more thought?
Someone tagged bf's blog yesterday.
Saying that.
I never forget my ex-es.
& she have always thought tt he deserved better from day 1.

I assume it's a She.
Because a He wouldn't be that bothered about OUR love life.
Secondly, yeah, i was a bitch.
In the month of january. & february.
And the months before that.
But now i do love my boyfriend.
And i have proven it to him.
So acting like you know me, bitch, is nauseatingly pretencious.

Haiz.
Some people ah.
Want to kena slap.
Nb.

So yeah.
It doesn't matter anyway, right.
So back to today.
It was fun, fun & reeeli fun.
Woooo.
Esp when bf is around me the whooole friggin day!
It's not like everyday this happens.

Being with boyfriend is the sweetest feeling any girl can feel.
It makes everything blurry around the edges, if tt makes sense.
It's like the boundaries of the world melts away,
and all these undercurrents of life were swirling around us.
It's an amazing feeling. (::

Okay.
TTFN!

2007-05-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

Firstly,
today is alfonso's and rahman's birthday.
So,
YAPPY WAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS!!!!!

lalala.
Ok.

Suddenly today in class,
I stared at everyone.
My new friends.
Who are super cool, and super supportive.
And then suddenly.
I became emo.

What was it like at this time a year ago?
Or two?

I always thought tt miracles do happen, if you just believe.

Apparantly this belief becomes really oblivious and now I think I have finally awoken to see,
Tt what i see, is what i see.
Get it?
Like, there is just no such bullshit called a MIRACLE.

The cynics, are right 9 times outta 10.

So most prolly,
I'm right.

And so...
FUCK!

Once more,
My emo moment comes backfiring on me.
Here we go again.

2007-04-28T21:02:00.000+08:00

Lalala.
I'm really really bored.
And, it's a saturday.
I should be going out or something.
Too bad.

So the second week of school has passed.
Ferst week, All modules, i got a B.
Except for enterprise, a C.
Okayy.
Second week.
Everything a C.
*smacks forehead*.

Maybe i need to concentrate more in class and do less MSN-ing.
Yeah.
Anyways.

I am beginning to think of my past friendship less & less.
I shall not try to make things work anymore.
Because i believe tt God is always great.
And everything happens for a reason.
Egoists will always remain egoists, so yeah.

Hmm.
I still have my bitching crew.:)
So yeah.

And i just found out tt this crazy friend of mine, Sabrina.
Is also born on the 16th of August.
How friggin cool is tt.

My friends in class call me Dumbo.
The elephant? ye noe? Tweeheez.
That has ears which apparantly can fly or something.
Haha.
Well, others have their own nicknames too.
Sabrina..Jerome..
One is abt the nose, another the teeth.
Ok it's really funny but i know we all meant no harm in making jokes.

A flaw in a person is what makes one realy beautiful.
Critisizm, is prejudice made plausible.

2007-04-24T20:37:00.000+08:00

hello bello fello!

Ok so I haven't been updating in such a long time...
So yeah.
Ok so here are the pics of my new classmates who are absolutely the best of the best.

Sabrina the teenage witch..
Very wacky and when she's hyper, she moves side to side (like a monkey) i'm serious!:)

The northland girl tt wasn't from northland.
(she claims she's from NSS & in my badge but i swear i've not seen her before?)

And yeah.
Remember i had a MSN nick saying "I think squared-haired guys gives pple a headache".
I didn't have his picture but someonw drew a picture of him on the board.

& this is a pic of jerome anthony the kuku.

The hip-hop guy.

ok Naj wears tudong.
Sexy.

& lastly, the funny iskandar who is funny exactly like Kid.

Heho.
There are many more but we hadn't take pics.

So yeah.

Friends.
I've lost a few and past friendships tt were f*cked up,
But I have them, & kiddie & Lina & Bestie & so many more.
Genuinely sincere & doesn't make situations problematic.
They are very friendly & besides, I have my Bf who is my lover, & best friend.

In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies,
But the silence of our friends.

2007-04-19T22:07:00.000+08:00

I'm WIDE AWAKE NOW!
Planned to sleep from 7pm till 8pm,
And the when my alarm rang i snoozed like, 12 times?
One snooze 10 minutes.
lol.
So pathetic!

After school took the cab home with alfonso, cassendra & shameer.
My house ferst, which was like 3.20bucks,
And the the rest yishun.
The taxi driver was damn funny.
We cracked up so loud.
He was like, like, you know who?
Azahari.
Yea, my bf.
The way he was sacarstic, and lame ass. like who?
Kiddie!
lol.
So fun finally seeing a person with kid's & bf's humour combined.

So school!
I had thought today would be an ordinary, funny, fun day like any other day.
Today's module was about enterprise and the teacher seemed gayishly handsome & funny.
Apparantly, looks can be deceiving.

He sucked and was suckier than a vacuum.
Ok tt didn't made sense.
He's so strict.
Expect us to answer like Uni students or something.
But yeah,
What a pain in the butt.

Heho.

Speaking of butts,
Shameer was telling me he saw a girl under his block.
Who was walking alone, and really overweight,
And wore really tight fitting jeans.
I don't critisize pple who are overweight.
It's kindda cute & looks doesn't matter for me to be friends.
It's the heart tt maters.

But why do i care about this particular girl who has a fat ass and wears jeans tt seem to suffocate her legs.
This fatass biatch is who?
The one I have yet to talk to!

So i laughed & laughed abt this and pretended to sound evil.
See, asshole,
i said pretended.
I actually kindda feel sorry for you.
You think my big ears are a pity.
mmmmp.
Get.a.mirror.

In people's minds,
Everyone has a photographic picture.
Some, just don't have film.

2007-04-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

I am Soooooooo tired nowadays since school have started!
So people.
I shall update on saturday hor.
When my energy comes back to blog.
and think of wonderful stuff to write.
Now i'm tired, sleepy, my mind's clogged up.
yet i'm still here typing, with the function of my brain half shut.

Heho.

Oh , oh, i get 10 dolars a day fer skewl and i save 9 bucks.
I spend one buck each day for two weeks so i can collect 90,
and i can rebond this hair of mine. :)

So i shall be like the survivors in the teevee with barely any food to eat.
Even if i survived,
There ain't no million bucks for me.

Nabeh.

This entry nonsense ah?!
tt's why ah.

K i swear i am going straight to sleep now.
k bye.

2007-04-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

Wazzup dawg. (I pronouce it like 'dougue'. Haha. As if tt matters.)

Bye dawg.

2007-04-16T23:53:00.000+08:00

My first day of school in republic poly.
It was really fun and my classmates are very outspoken.
One or two are too outspoken, in fact.

So today the teacher teamed us randomly.
5 people in a group.
Which includes me,
A guy from vietnam. A gamer.
A lady from China. Very shy.
Ok, so tt makes two people with very different accents.
Which i find interesting.

A girl from s'pore. Very orang puteh-ish.
And a guy, from s'pore.
Um.
yikes.
Two words. Not good.

So everyday each team has to stand infront of the class to do a presentation.
Which is my favourite part.
And we get a daily grade which i hope to get an A. :)
But dream on!
I was always on MSN and tt "spore guy" keeps speaking and insists we have just his ideas, so i actually had nothing much to contribute. hmm.

Anyways.
After school i decided to wait for bf at starbux.
Which he would reach at prolly 7,
And i ended at 4 today.
So i then changed my mind and decided to hang at a friend's place.
While waiting for him.

And he got mad.
I was already very mentally tired and physically exhausted and i don't wish to quarrel.
It was really not a good day for such things.
I was happy the whole day and bam,
In the end my smile only lasted for awhile.

After tt, i went back home.
Wtf.
Woodlands to yishun.
Yishun to woodlands.
Without even getting a glance of my bf.
But it's worth at tt moment i guess, because seeing each other & being tensed, is just..it totally sucks.
It's ok.
I know we're busy with school and stuff now but tt doesn't mean i don't love you, okay?

I kindda miss secondary school.
The happy moments, of course.
Not the O levels part cos tt sucks.
I had to juggle my studies, the ultimate pressure from mom and some serious friendship issues.
Speaking of friendship i haven't got a chance to speak with the biatch yet,
well i dunno when.

Memories. memories. memories.
It's like a hazard for me.

I never thought i always knew i'd look back on my tears and laugh,
But i never knew i'd look back on my laughter and cry.

2007-04-14T18:54:00.000+08:00

6.54pm.
So BORED!
It's been so long since i've updated.
So yeterday was Shahril's day.
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!

Have you ever wondered.
How it'll be like when you're grey and old.
It just occured to me that living like this,
blogging,
Buying more & more clothes,
Eating sweets and whatever you want.
Just won't last like you think it would.

Soon the years will pass and bam,
You're 70?
If insya-allah you do reach tt age.

70?
70?!?!

Ok,
i think it's too early for me to think of death.
But it's scary.

Anyways.
I am soo tired of Mom's nagging for me to be like this,
And like that,
At this age can't have bf,
Study first, blablablablablabla.

Your generation and mine is very different so shoooossh.

Haiz.
But i choose to ignore her.

You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others,
Or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are.

2007-04-10T03:46:00.000+08:00

Hey-ho.
It's already the 10th of april!

16, Andy badandy's birthday.
19, my best primary school friend, Laila's bday.
23, Feeq's birthday.

ooohkay.
that's alot eh?
yeah.

Hmm.

Anyways.
Here are some really random pictures.

Heeehee.

Ok guys, CUTE kan korangs.!
(Don't get too shocked & kill me after this.)

Two of my greatest bitches.

The real bitch however,
Have yet to get a piece of my mind.

I've been keeping it in me for so long,
And yet i feel like slapping you,
But haiz, if i hadn't known tt secret blog of yours.
I'd think you were the greatest friend i've ever had.
Why,
Why do you turn out to be such a two headed snake bitch?
A mother fucking good vizard!

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache, and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth.
I've clenched mine for too long soon it'll break.

The hatred you're carrying is a live coal in your heart -
Far more damaging to yourself than to others.

A girl who i used to call my best friend fights with me,
Apologises after tt,
Then texting me saying she's sorry and miss the old times?
So the "best friends" time you mean.

And you act like a whore pretending to befriend me and tell others unpleasant things about me?
Are you really that desperate for my friendship that you were too ashamed to let others know you're actually sorry so you become bitchy so as to supposedly keep your mother fucking pride in tact?

You said in ur shitty blog,
"I can throw her anytime, i can drop her anytime."

It's so funny somehow,
Because YOU WERE THE ONE WHO CAME CRAWLING ON UR MOTHER FUCKING FAT KNEES RIGHT FROM THE START..
And why i cared to ask you to hang out AFTER allll your moves first,
Was beacause of making me think tt this was a real frnship.
But you were fake.
So why did you do it?

Hah.

Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship.
Some people are not capable of love,
And it might be wise to let them go along with your anger,
Wish them well,and let them go their way.

And so i will.
Neh,
I'll try.

2007-04-09T00:23:00.000+08:00

Ok today,
well basically yesterday since now it's like past midnight already,
Went to yishun library with bf.
Before tt played pool with kiddie and bf.
Kiddie bitch,
Was like damn funny because he kept hitting the white ball out of the table.
So i kept getting the free ball which is WHY i actually ever won in the 1st place?
Cos i suck, at pool.
But it's fun somehow.

So anyways.

Anyhoos.
Anyhows.
anny manny fanny.

FUCK i'm bored.

I sort of irritated bf by saying all the words which rhyme.
Was under the block near yishun library and we were really, just chilling.
And he was sorta irritated but mostly found it so hilarious.
He couldn't laugh.
So to express tt he KICKED my adidas slipper so far and cracked up like crazy.
Asshole.
But i still love you.
But don't ever do that again.

So yeah,
Happiness.
Is really, really the best feeling ever.

We make a living with what we get,
But we make a life with what we give.

2007-04-07T21:38:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching a walk to remember,
The actress was Mandy Moore.
Ok so the show is real touching and,
It's like a fairytale.

Sigh.
I bet all girls dream of this kindda stuff.

Mm hmm.
So anyways, went to syaz'z birthday chalet ytd.
It was ok, fun.
Played games and won prizes.
The guys won a cap.
And the girls?
Underwear.
HAHA.
But its brand new and it's really cute so okay. :0S.

Ok.
Another storey?
Hmmmm.
I just can't wait for the day when i get to see you in the face.....
And scream at you?
Slap you?
Mmm hmm.
And it's not like what i found out was bad enough,
It got even worse after what Cuzzie Lina told me.
Of what you told your friend who is her classmate.

Talking about my appearance.
My big ears?
Ok.
I really don't mind if people disturb me about my ears playfully,
Like no intentions of hurting and just jokes.
Okey.
I'm really not offended.
But when you wanna hurt me intentionally?
Ooookay!

Sigh sigh sigh.

Without suffering there'd be no compassion.

Mmmmmp.

so blublublu.
I'm really bored.

Anyways,
this is a really boring entry with no amazing sentences to fill in.
So yeah.
Enough said! tataz.

2007-04-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

So i went ter Vivo teday with bf,
To meet mahes after his work.
It was really fun.
Walked around vivo so many times till we got bored and headed to yishun,
To meet Faz.
Man, the cake we ordered was so expensive!
But it's ok.
Skali-skali kan someone's birthday.
Syaz!
50 bucks.
Me, mahes, Bf, & Faz shared the money.

Okeh dokeh strowberreh.

Enough talking and i shall post pics!

Cute bf with his new cellphone.

Ok so instead of looking at the CAM,
He decided to look at his nose instead.
& his eyes turned out like tt lol.

Bf semangat playin this x box game.

And so after a short fun & tired day,
The last pic of the night..

So yeah..
Couldn't take Faz pic cos we met her at yishun, not vivo.
haha.

Hmmmm.

So anyways,
Last night,
Someone sent me an instant msg.
Saying,
"check this out!"

So i clicked on the link,
Happy2 after coming back from the show Mr bean with dad,
And my mood totally changed.

I was shocked.
Confused.

I was stunned for a moment.
It's like,
Huh?

In the end.
It ended up with a WTF!!!

Words cannot describe how i'm feeling.
I shall not blog it.
But yet,
I shall say it.
Face to face.

I didn't take this 2nd chance of frienship for granted.
WTF.
I even CHERISHED this.
And in the end.
This was what happened.

I copy pasted everything already in wordpad.

The hot tears were just for nothing.
Nothing, i tell you.
Wait till Friday.
Just you wait.

A fucking backstabber.
All this backfires on Me.

ME.

Just wait.
And i can swear upon my family.
That it'll be no suprise,
If i happen to slap OR punch you.
Till you bruise.

I HAVE THE MOST GREATEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD.
MAHES, FAZILLA, SYIDAH, KHIDIR, MY FUCKING BELOVED BOYRFRIEND,
AND MY ZARA GIRLS.

so FUCK YOU for making me think tt YOU were a TRUE FRIEND..

haha!

Ok,
my anger?
it'll show.

Soon.

When i see you the next time, bitch. i swear.

Enough said!

anyways.

happy happy day today. :)
peace.

2007-04-01T19:17:00.000+08:00

My feet!
I lost my last small toe on my right leg!!!!!!!
Haiz.
The pain is unbearable.
And now i have only nine toes left.
Got sent to the hospital straight away.

It's really painful and i feel like crying.
How sad is this?

.....................

Nyeh-heh.
April's Fool y'all.

2007-03-30T02:01:00.000+08:00

hello bello fello.

So teday i went to republic poly to purchase a laptop.
Yayness to Mommeh for buying me the one tt i wanted.
So yeah,
She's gonna have to pay more for the electricity bill,
since right now brother is playing his stoopid DOTA game right beside me.
And i'm here wasting my precious time on some internet blogging.

So ok.

I had a MSN conversation just now.
With a friend.
And a few others before this.

I've come to realise tt ANYONE, ANYONE in this world who knew about this storey only
was mournful.
Or at least they pretend to be.

I totally appreciate the HELP tt was offered.
I really, really, do.
But some?
Are just full of pretence.
I don't have to say it.
I don't need forced sympathy, really.

However there's a friend of mine whom i had least expected to have the same anger as me,
felt what i felt.
i am just.
lost for words?

thank you.

I am grateful, however,
For whatever thoughts tt lead this friend of mine to believe me.

This is what i call being realistic.

And this wasn't me telling her,
To some *you* who thinks tt i alone expressed what happened.
Many did, in fact.

And i would like to know why most people just simply love to be the side of the majority,
Not caring less to take into consideration of the actual facts, before deciding.
To understand the misconception, to refuse to clear the matter of false disbelief.
And to avoid all these complicated thinking,
simple.
Go with the majority.

i.don't.get.it.

Hm.

I like talking to my rabbit, it is the only thing tt never contradicts me.

2007-03-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

I was at the playground.
Bored, nothing to do.
In the still of the night, and it was really quiet.

I then noticed this turn around thingy.
It said "Where Am I From?"

So there were different animals,
And i spun it around.
To see where these pictures of the animals were from.

Kangaroo. i turned the thing and it said "Africa."
Penguin. "North pole."
Then there were many other animals too.
So i thought all these were like whoa,
from other countries.
Cool.

Then,
I turned to the cat.

And it said.
"YOUR HOME."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAA!!!!

I found it damn funny?

And it wasn't like someone wrote & vandalised it or anything,
It was printed on there.
I hadn't expected it.
The person who made this thing sure does have a sense of humour.

I cracked up laughing so loud.

Super lol, man.

It's been so long since I laughed this hard.
I thought only lame people had this kind of sense of humour.

Haiz.
When was the last time was i this happy?

Thank you whoever,
Who created that lame ass but funny thing at the playground.
It made my night.

So yeah.
The littlest things that takes me there.

2007-03-27T02:35:00.000+08:00

Oh can i say something?

This moment is the maddest feeling i've ever felt so far in the crappy year of 2007.

Ok,
So i was in the computer room reading a book,
Brother on the other hand was playing his PSP.

Okay? Note this.

I was doing something USEFUL.
He was degenerating his brain cells day by day with tt stupid portable hand game thing.

So mother went out of her room.
And walked towards him,
And asked him oh so nicely,
"Eysham, where is the rokok?"

I was concentrating on my book.
She turned, saw what i was doing.
And yelled.
YELLED, tt's right.
"SHEILA! pergi sembahyang lah how many times must i remind you to pray?"

Uhh. Excuse Me?
I just stared at her, blankly.

Huh?

How come the sudden tone of coldness to Me?
This isn't the first time it's been many times this happened.
I couldn't keep my patience anymore.

I frowned.
Then i had to speak out.
"Why isit you always remind me to go and pray? When my bro is here and you don't remind him at all?"

And my anger rose,
Because i recalled the times when she kept asking me to pray and my brother was THERE, right infront of her doing things tt are USELESS,
YET,
she don't say anything?
Anything at all?

You gotta be kidding me.

And she responded,
"Don't get other people involved!"

But it's true isn't it?

This is one thing unfair, if by now y'all don't understand what i've been babbling about.

WHY IS IT THAT SHE TALKED TO ME RUDELY, FIERCELY FORCING ME TO DO SOMETHING WHICH I WILL DO JUST ABIT LATER AFTER I'M DONE DOING SOMETHING USEFUL LIKE READING A GOD DAMN BOOK?

and?

WHY IS IT THAT SHE TALKED TO HIM SO NICELY, SMILEY, NOT FORCING HIM TO DO SOMETHING WHILE HE IS DOING SOMETHING DAMN FUCKING USELESS LIKE PLAYING THE STUPID PSP FOR HOURS!

haiz.
I'm really sad.

What is this,
Some favouratism goin around in this house?

I have no freedom outside already,
She took that AWAY from me,
Now you wanna take my freedom at HOME?

God this is ridiculous.

I know you want me to be a good daughter bla3 Don't you want your son to be that way too?
and he's OLDER some more he should start even EARLIER than me?
I am trying to understand and see the sense in all of this but i just simply couldn't.

WHAT IS IT TT YOU CAN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION?

WHY FORCE ME, AND THEN TALK RUDELY?
And i'm not kidding, rudely.
Irritably.
Very, irritating.

What's the deal with acting the total opposite arnd my own sibling?

Fuck.
I really have no freedom in anything at all.

And i don't know what's the deal with her,
Like i said,
I don't know what your exact reasons are,

But i said it before.

People like HER demand the freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of THOUGHT which she AVOIDS.
PERIOD.

2007-03-26T02:50:00.000+08:00

I really really wanted to update but i just couldn't manage to get my fingers fly over the keyboard.
Well, now i am.

Hm.
So we celebrated rainee's Bf,
My primary skewl close friend's adek,
punyer BIRTHDAY!
Yay!
Ariff, i meant.

It was cool.
It was a sweet suprise made by rainee really.
She bought him a MACBETH shoe?!
Not counting the addition of a famous amous cake.

Haha.
So,
we were waiting for the couple to appear and set up the place.
And then yay they arrived.
And all ate happily ever after.

Haha.
It was fun, yeah.

So, this is just an update of the trail of events tt i did, or went to, whatever.
I haven't enrolled yet.
And i've been lazing around at home.
Not like i have anything to do outside.

yeah.
end.

2007-03-23T00:39:00.001+08:00

Bf has a new blog and it looks cool, baby.
(With Rainee's help) hehe.

If only i could shrink bf,
Hide him inside my pocket,
And during hours of where i can't sleep due to my friggin sleeping disorder and disruptive thoughts,
I'd make him big again and we can talk till i fall asleep.

Sometimes i wish tt i could start a new life somewhere else.
Like, really new.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Apparently now,
Most are bold to laugh.
And laugh just a lil bit too much, even.

Any day you could be choked to death with it,
It would be too late to realise it then.

2007-03-22T21:14:00.000+08:00

Three words,
Tee-hetch-Are-Ee-eE words for you,

JGN MCM PAHAM!!!!!

Keep smiling, bitch.
I'm trying.

2007-03-22T00:44:00.000+08:00

Ok so it's already a thursday,
Since i'm bloggin in the early morn.
Yesterday was real fun.

Met up with Bf,
And we read books at the library.
Let me emphasise, READ books.
What a way to start the day.
We had never done it before.
It's fun, you get some peace & quiet,
And gain a lil knowledge. :)
It's better than none, right?

So anyways.
We played pool.
With khids. man. Cuzzie.

Before tt,
While me and bf were walking,
We saw.
And after tt, i waved and i smiled,
And my happy mood turned into total sadness a lil while after tt.

However as great as they were,
They managed to make me laugh again.
Especially kids when playing pool.
Like,
Three times the white ball got hit and flew out.

It was like, super lol.

Ok so what a day.
It's already March,
As time passes you see the same damn thing it's just a different day.
In the end,
Only you can determine yourself to end the day feeling worthless,
Or not.

The power of optimism is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

2007-03-20T05:24:00.000+08:00

AVRIL - TOMORROW

And i wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be okay.
Yeah i tried to believe you,
But i don't.

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way.

I try to believe you,
Maybe just not today.

2007-03-19T18:16:00.000+08:00

Seventeen is just a test,
Yeah and I would recommend
That you live with no regrets.

And even if it seems
Like the world is crashing on you,
You shouldn't let it hold you down.

Don't worry,you'll show them.
You will make it through,
No one can stop you if you try.:)

The point of rhythm is to follow it in time,
To listen to the beating in your mind.

Remember, if you seek then you shall find.

2007-03-17T21:45:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS A DAY WHICH I WILL NEVER,
EVER, IN MY LIFE FORGET.
AND I'M SURE TT IT NOT ONLY GOES FOR ME,
BUT FOR OTHERS AS WELL.

Before today,
I had thought.
Tt life was so unfair,
And everyday is just an ordinary day with only depression in my mind.
So i expected myself to wake up at 1 or 2 plus pm,
Doing nothing and silently cursing for no reason.

Today.
11 plus AM,
I had a call.
i was too sleepy to even answer,
then i received a message.

"Her dad passed away."

?
I was AWAKE by then.

I rushed to bathe and changed and went to her home.

We reached.
Went into the room.
There he was,
And i flashbacked of the last time i saw him,
Fasting month,
At her house having dinner with her family.
He talked to me nicely,
Talking about poly.
And about our future.

And now.
I looked.
I just couldn't believe it.
A man with a kind heart and a good soul was there.
Lying on the bed.
When it seemed just like yesterday i had talked with him happily.

She stood there,
Crying again, and wiped her tears and kissed him on the forehead for the last time.
We all stood there helplessly just crying.

I couldn't take it,
Although he is not my own father i imagined him being my own.
Me in her shoes,
And i felt really sad.

To lose a father.

we all prayed for him,
And as her mother hugged me,
She hung on to me, crying, telling me to try cheer her up.
I cried too,
It was traumatic.

And today is the day,
I realised.

Life is too short,
And he or she who does not realise the importance of forgiving or asking for forgiveness,
Will only regret after one dies.

And so i've learnt.
To cherish everything i have left in my life,
And pray to God,
And not brood over the people i've lost.

From this moment on,
My way of thinking has a drastic change.

GIRL,
PLEASE DON'T CRY ANYMORE.
GOD TOOK HIS SOUL AWAY BECAUSE GOD LOVES HIM ALOT,
AND HE IS IN GOD'S HANDS.
YOU KNOW THAT YOUR FATHER WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU,
IN YOUR HEART.
MAY ALLAH TAKE CARE OF HIM AND YOUR FAMILY TOO.

Amin.

2007-03-16T05:00:00.000+08:00

BLOCK! BLOCK!

Find me something true that isn't sad.

2007-03-15T03:05:00.000+08:00

Tweeeheheheheheehehhehehehehehehheheeeeee.

Let's see let's see,
How long more until this mask wears off,

There will then be no difference between me and a lunatic.

Tweehehee.

2007-03-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

It has been ages since i looked through my e-mail,
And i was looking through my mail one by one.

The things that were kept which i never bothered to delete since like,
Primary 6 till now?
It was like having to sit on an electric chair that buzzes your head.

Every mail was like,
Buzz, buzz.
Emails from friends who are now like, uh, where?
And pictures, god.

So i sat for a moment and thought.
How i hate change.
Well some changes are good.
Mostly it just sucks.

Sitting alone in a computer room at midnight having only your tom yam cup noodles and vanilla coke and nothing else to do but think, is quite lonely.

I wish i had a universal remote control like the one in click?
Without the automatic fast-forwarding, of course.
But in reality a mere replacement for that is to smile.

A smile is a curve that possibly can straighten alot of things,
If it's not so hard to try.

2007-03-09T23:25:00.000+08:00

I know that i'm one of those people in this world,
Who doesn't have freedom and has to lie to get it.

Somehow,
He already gave me the green light to do it.
Still, i knew that deep inside..
It's like..
UGGGH...

It may sound silly but by doing that,
It makes a few seconds of the misery in my life to seem to go away.
It makes things all fuzzy and abstract.

We all should be old enough to distinguish between right and wrong,
But it's not about that.
Sometimes people just choose wrong,
Why?
Because when you push a person too hard to go one way,
The other path just seems more entertaining.

I knew it was wrong.
But i knew it was even more wrong to not be able to make mistakes and learn from it.

He grinned as he hugged me,
The smile on his face not quite managing to conceal the fact that he was fighting back tears.

2007-03-08T14:06:00.000+08:00

Diploma in Communication and Information design.
Republic poly.
It's a good course i must say,
Considering the fact that my results weren't so good as i had wanted it to be.

A new course,
About journalism,
A wide range in careers in the entertainment industry, and media.
And the best part was which i didn't know,
In my 3rd year,
I'd be learning about Mascommunication and film media studies.

How cool is tt?!
BUT.

I don't want to go that school.
Somehow,
I managed to move myself into walking into NYP.
And apply for a course somehow similar.
But no mascomm learned, whatsoever.

But what's the point?
If i go into a school with an environment i'm not comfortable with.
And,
I still want to be active in Hockey.
In addition my dear bestie, Fazilla, and kid are there.

So..

Hmm.

Ok.
Remember when i had said in one of my entries.
If you want to test a Man's character,
Give him power.
I didn't like what i saw.
That's that.
A side i never saw before.

A casual stroll down the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

2007-03-06T06:32:00.000+08:00

Look!
6.33AM.
I'm still awake.
And i'm planning to till 8AM.
To check online for which course i'd get into.

Anyways.

Is it really worth?
To think of someone,
And wondering how she's doing.
And when you try the many ways of the means of communication.
It gets taken for granted.
With constant excuses and a million explainations.
Busy. School. Extra classes.
Oh, there isn't a minute spared for me.

So as this grows old,
I am, sorry, getting indifferent.
It isn't about avoiding.
Or finding you only when i need to.
See i need you 24/7.
Cos duh, you're my "blood".

And the actions.
I can't take it.
It's been way too long,
And it's hurting.
It's not my matter.
Which is why i don't wish to get invovled and giving you reasonable advices that will only be spoken on deaf ears.

You wanna talk. I'll hear it out.
But do you listen?

You seem to know the price of everything,
But know the value of nothing.

2007-03-05T04:42:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but i find it hard for me to sleep at 3am, 4am, 5am, or even 6!
Yeah.
Psp - Gurumin.
Japanese game. Really cute.
Tom yam cup noodles.
Vanilla coke.
Haagen dazz ice cream.
Text messaging.

How the hell can i sleep?!

Ok.
I really have nothing to write.
Pffft.

Yeah.
I really miss Bf.
*SIGH*.

Ok, here's a random quote.

Nearly all guys can stand adversity,
But if you want to test a Man's character,
Give him Power.

2007-03-03T20:27:00.000+08:00

My breath fogged up the glass,
And so I drew a new face and laughed.

Laughter is higher than all pain.

2007-03-01T17:14:00.000+08:00

To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse.
To the hopeful it is encouraging because it means that things may get better.
To the confident, it is inspiring because the challenge exists ; To make things better.

Change, has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.

I was once the hopeful.

Sometimes,
Things just shit and sits there on your face.
No matter how hard i try to remove them,
The stains still remain.

2007-03-01T02:36:00.001+08:00

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma,
A harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

2007-02-28T01:50:00.000+08:00

I called out once,
Twice.
Thrice.

No response.

As i was on my way to meet my friends with the intention for asking for a job interview,
I had a bad feeling from the start.

After tt,
They were supposed to play soccer and I was supposed to meet Bestie to play pool.
In the end,
We all ended up playing altogether.

Anyways.
As we were walking to tt place,
I decided, I should give it a shot.
I hadn't prepared myself for this.
But something tells me,
To go and find out the outcome.
At least i had done my best.

And i tried.
In the best possible manner.
Knowing and realising tt i was only making a fool out of myself,
I turned away,
And the tears just kept coming.

I know,
Friends come and go.
But this was one friendship i never thought could be gone like the wind.

I never had any grudges now,
And as i went to play pool with "ooops" and sya and bestie.
He was so kind.
To put his arms around my shoulders and stood there beside me while i cried.
Thnks, oops.
The greatest friend i always looked up to.
And so we met Bf.
Having heard what happened,
He stood there motionless, helpless.

And i realised,
Tt it's ok,
Someday,
You'll realise, I hope.
One thing tt's for sure.
I am proud to say tt me, being a GIRL.
Had the GUTS to stand there infront of a GUY and called out the name.

All i wanted to say was a sorry.
It wouldn't hurt if you had looked up, at least.
I only had the best intentions.

Whatever beguns in anger ends in shame.

And for a Guy to be so swelled up in your own deep hole emotions and brooding about what had happened.
There's nothing much i can do.

I tried, I did.

But some things just can't be mended again.
It hurts so bad.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything,
And that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

2007-02-26T00:45:00.000+08:00

Cuszie slept at my house yesterday.
And so we were happy,
Went to chingay.
Visited Andy awhile at his workplace.

So..

The NEXT day,
25th feb.

We were lazing around,
I had nothing to do.
So i drew this while she was studying for her physics test tmrw.
Sec 5 .
Studying hard.
And i had some hardwork done myself.

:).

Adorable piece of art work, i know.
I'm quite the artist.

Ok so later on,
Mother said she would be back late.
But who would have known.

Bf was here.
So was brother ans his gf.

He left, and ****,
There SHE was, at the lift with her boyfriend, uncle Z.
Brother tried to stop her by talking to her.
And crap,
Bf quickly washed his hands after eating and RAN TO MY ROOM.

He hid behind my cupboard.
And thank God,
That just in time, mom and Uncle Z came in.

WTF?

Everyone's heart beat was racing.
Maid's,
Cuszzie's,
And mostly MINE.

Mom saw him already and i got grounded for life for that already.

So Bf was there,
hiding in my room behind the cupboard.

Look at this. =(.

Sorry Bf.
To make you suffocate in that space.

Odd how we had a talk earlier when cuszie was studying,
Where would we hide him IF mom came back.
And luckily,
We had a GOOD spot.

Sheesh.

Yes,
CLOSE CALL.

Mother toots.

But it's ok,
Always be optimistic.

Because the optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
And the pessimist fears this is true.

Thanks for loving me so much till you'd bear hiding behind there for like, an hour, Baby.

Enough said!

2007-02-24T02:45:00.000+08:00

I was messaging a dear friend,
A "Brother" if you will,

And it just hit me so hard on the head by what he had said.
"Rabak sister never buy for me anything... lalala."
Some sort like that.

And oh,
I hate to always do things without being aware of the consequences.
I am trying to repent,
And I think i have.
But my thoughts speak for themselves.
They taunt me.

It doesn't have to be this hard.
I am attempting to accept this, I really am.

I guess,
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

2007-02-23T15:33:00.000+08:00

hello hello.
I've never said tt before in my entries, have i?
Saying hello.
gagagagagaa.

Ok tt's lame.

I'm really really BORED.
This is my thousandth day rotting at home.
Though mom is at work now.
I can't friggin go out.

I wonder what age will i be when my mother actually wants to face REALITY and realise tt i'm pretty much of a grown-up teenager now.
I hope she realises that im going to be 17 this year,
Not thirteen.
She should realise tt at this age, i should get my freedom.
I see other girls around like at the age of FORTEEN going out till whatever time they like.
So jealous! I envy them.
Sigh.
I can only hope.

When will i have the "talk" with my mother about a boyfriend?
Or maybe my other problems about my personal life.

I guess she can't face it yet.
Don't wanna see me grow up?
Maybe.

She hates that thought.
And to prevent it, she backs it up with nagging endlessly.

People like her demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

2007-02-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

Every good story has a hundred different versions.
That's what makes them endlessly wondrous and delightful.

So anyways here's MY one version of a good story.

MY MOTHER IS GOING TO WORK TOMORROW!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOO.

I know i'm a bad daughter,
who cares.
I get my freedom at home.
Without nagging,
and it's just oh so weird to have a Mom who works everyday almost 24 hours to be at home for the past week in the same house as you,
And do nothing but nag?

Yeah.

FREEDOM!

Still,
I feel like in jail at home.
Because I am grounded, since she caught me doing something.

How long am i being grounded for?

For life, it seems.
Sheesh.

2007-02-20T03:02:00.000+08:00

There are no classes in life for beginners :
Right away you are always asked to deal with what is most difficult.

Friendships hanging on the line,
I almost lost my love.
Which I did.
And had to beg.

Some may think I was crawling back.
Actually, only one friend of ours in particular.
Yes,
Because now.
I realised that losing you was the most hollow empty - bitch feeling I've felt in a really long time.

Loving someone else (well, at least i thought so) for practically my whole secondary school life was a mistake.
A big bullshyt mother - effing mistake.

And I realised it only now?
Well done.

But only You know how i feel now though others may doubt it.
It's ok.

I had a fantasy once.
Somehow,
It came true.
But then i opened my eyes again and POOF.!
It's gone.
The only thing i had learnt from this was that.
What had happened in the past, happened.
No matter how much and how hard you try to think of having it back,
Even when you have it in your hands now,
You won't ever get that same feeling that you had before.

And so bygones are bygones.
Time passes, people change.
There is no point turning back.
Because there's really NOTHING to look at anymore.

It's all in the mind.

I LOVE AZAHARI,
That's it, it's final.

And no other sweet words will ever make me fall again into that emotional hole so deep that was only real like a hundred years back.

Ok, what i had just said was totally dramatic and long, i know.
But I meant every word of it.

The whole of life is but a moment of time.
It is our duty, therefore to use it, not to misuse it.

2007-02-19T13:36:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I think, That baby,
I really make you Look bad.

2007-02-18T20:08:00.000+08:00

Ok my last entry sucked,
And so I am going to type a new one.

It's been quite awhile since I last blogged.
Yeah, that's because no one bothered to pay the internet and the home phone bill.
And guess who did?
I did!
Oh wee.
With mom's ATM card, of course.

So alot of things had happened lately.
Umm.
Let's make it short.

Girl, I trusted you.
You blew it.
It's ok.
Shyt happens.
I still love you as a friend.
I really, really DO.

But since you yourself are trying to run away from this situation.
So be it.
K.

And for some random guy out there,
You are one big FAT BUFFALO.

Dig your noserills till they bleed and bite my ass.
(eeew.)

Ok. Whatever.

Lalala.
I'll update later.

PEACE!

2007-02-13T23:08:00.000+08:00

An hour to Valentine's day!
But before it starts,
Someone's birthday isn't over yet.
It's Farhan's bday!

Happy 17th bday my friend. :).

So anyways.
Went to Ngee Ann poly then Singapore poly.
Goshh.

HOW I WANT MASCOMM SO BAAAADD!!!!! :'((((.

Or i hope i get MUSIC & AUDIO TECHNOLOGY.
Though I'm eligible for it.
There are only 40 places seh?

hmm
k.
My entry today isn't interesting lah actually,
Because I think there IS nothing interesting to write about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways.

MASCOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
pretty pleese be my course, baby.

2007-02-11T03:21:00.000+08:00

I KNEW IT WASN'T WORTH AND IT WAS ALL ONLY TEMPORARY

2007-02-10T03:25:00.000+08:00

"VOICES"

I miss the part, when we were moving forward now.
But maybe someday, I'll be something more than love.
Just know I'll never tell,
And when you're on your way down,
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again.

We speak in different voices.
When fighting with the ones we've loved,
Why can't we say what we're thinking of?

I'm missing parts, now that you've told me everything.
And I was blessed and I've forgotten how to love,
You said you'd never tell.
And when you're on your way down,
And you're waiting for your body's re-entry again.

We speak in different voices.

2007-02-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

La, La, La.

Engish C5....
Knn.

Ok,
No point brooding over it.
If cambridge thinks tt my English is lousy den ok lor,
Mys englishs lousys.
Okays?

K tt was sacarstic.
Must bersyukur.
18 points is ok.

Hmm.
Now tt all the tension about this O O O thingy is OVER,
I can think of other things.
Rather than studies.

Mmm hmm.
I'll update tmrw.
Cos now,
Ku PENING!!!!!

2007-02-08T13:51:00.000+08:00

RESULTS TMR.

I'll worry about that first.

I'm killing myself over nothing.

2007-02-08T02:43:00.000+08:00

I'm sick today,
After going out to meet Syaz and Kid..

Was shivering.

Ate two panadols and im feeling better now...

Mentally,
I'm very very lost.

Very, lost.

2007-02-06T22:46:00.000+08:00

I have MIA-ed for work.
And i am sure that i have no regrets quitting this job.
In short the management just sucks.
It's okay.
I can find a job next time.
A better one, with a better environment, i hope.

Results this friday.

Am i going to CRY?
Or be HAPPY?

I hope,hope, and pray.

I bought something with Mom today.
I just hope you like it. :).

Ok, I miss my cuzzie.
Lina.
Laila.
LAILA!!
Met her ytd.
We talked and had fun.
Kid.

Oh wee.

So i am going to post pictures now with my primary skewl all time gurl bestie,
LAILA BINTE MAZLAN.

Yeap.
Laila, Faz and Me.
3 of us.
Having a great conversation.

:).

Ok, Enough said......

Till then,

RESULTS?!?!?!?!!!

2007-02-05T13:18:00.000+08:00

Today is off day.
Wee.

After work ytd,
I was walking with bf and my working friends.
When..

Suddenly a guy appears and then i kept on thinking who is tt?
From far i couldn't recognise him.
He came closer and hugged Us both at the same time.
It was Andy.

He cut his hair,
And told us to drop by his workplace.

So later on we did and man was the place really nice.
He treated us with Chocolate ice blended and CHEESECAKE!

Thnks Andy.
I really missed him.
It was great seeing him again, really.
Well he missed us too. :)

Anyways.
Results is this friday and i can't get a freaking off on tt day.
What sucky management.
I complained to the manager.
Its O levels.
Dont u guys have the brains?
Everyone who were o level pple were like damn frustrated.

And overall to keep it short.
This work really, really sucks.
Managers think they are divas and are really stuck up.

Oh well.
I'm gonna MIA soon.
So,

yea. nuff said!

2007-02-03T10:15:00.000+08:00

Ok so i have fifteen minutes before i leave for work.

Yesterday,
I was full shift.
A whole twelve hours.
Was so tired i could cry.
And plus,
in the womens section (BIG, BIG section)
Was supposed to be four people.
The other three went MIA so i was thre, alone.
Taking care of tt section.
I could die.
Clear fitting rooms, millions of clothes tt customers try then don't buy,(idiots)
folding the tables,
Hanging the clothes properly.
Calling other outlets.
Urrrrrgggghhhh.

Anyways.
Speaking of other things.
Miracles do happen.
It did.

There was a msg i received from this girl.
Saying she missed me.
And it made her tear.

And it's really dramatic, for me.
So,
Hey.
I love you lots as a friend.
And i always will do.:)
You should know who you are if you're reading this.

______________________________________________________

"You chose this path, you walk with it."

Did i?
I did.

I am walking with it.
No, i'm walking ON it.

But will it be this path tt i'm walking on for life?

Let's see.
:).

Sometimes,
The very unexpected things in life happens.
The simple things tt can make you smile real wide.

But there are other times,
When you smile, and then you frown again.
Because it seems like there is Nothing at all,
Tt you can do about it.

Enough said.

Happy working, me.
pfffft.

2007-02-01T00:48:00.000+08:00

It's only like 30 minutes later and i am posting, again?

Actually,
I have alot of things in mind.

Ay-lot.

But how do i express it in words?

I'm actually frowning right now because i think i need a head-bang on the wall.
Stop it seh Sheila.

Thoughts.
Thoughts,
I think some fucken soul has messed up the wires in my brains.

Uh.
K.
Nvm.

After typing so much.
I still can't say what my mind and heart is telling me to in words.
Maybe some things are meant to be shutted up.
Shutted up?

Oh, screw gd english fr nw.

!@#$%^&*()*&^%$.

??

Haiz.

2007-01-31T23:45:00.000+08:00

tralala.
If today we hit 25K,
We'll get our comission.
And wooh.

Only my ferst month of workng and after so long the permanent stuff didn't get their commission for the past months,

This month we all got it!

Weehoo.

We actually hit 40K.
Yeah, well.
How can we not..
Since just now a customer asked for my assistance.
And she bought the same shirt,
In S, M and L just because she was too lazy to queue up at the fitting room.
And altogether she bought like,
30 pieces?

Rich ass.

But thnks to you rich ass,
You contributed your wealth a little bit.
:).

Ok, im tired.
Tmrw is off day.
So i shall and will post something interesting if i can, tt is.

Enough said.

2007-01-29T22:14:00.000+08:00

Nenek kau giler, Nenek kau giler.
*Sings the song*.

It's a song with my own tune by the ways.

Nenek kau giler, nenek kau giler.

Wait,
Tt's my nenek.
She is crazy.
But she's cute, and i love her.
Plus,
Being mentally crazy means God has made her sins stop.

Oh wee~.

2007-01-29T21:45:00.000+08:00

Oh,oh.
With work, time passes by much faster.
It's like.
Already 29 January.

Eleven more days to results?!?!?!
Im freaking out!

OOOhhh the anxiety.

Who loved you the most?
I was never ghost.
When lives was on the line,
Confusion in your mind.
Drama of all kind.
But there's faith in our minds.
We're spiritually inclined.

Sometimes I flip,
Sometimes you flip.
Sometimes we wild out and act like lunatics.

We're moving too fast,
The whole world's in a rush.

Baby, just Hush.

Heh.